Kon's Transfer of Love
by Shrugs
Summary: Kon's hopping bodies, and it's about time the men of Bleach get some action. Drabbles
1. Uryuu

**Disclaimer**: Don't own Bleach. You all knew that, too. (Is it just me or does Kon not have his own character for searching? Figures)

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**Uryuu **

It was uncomfortable being inside this body. Unlike Ichigo, Uryuu tended to be distant from all the girls. In fact, he was sure that he didn't even have conversations with those inside his sewing club. And that was a room filled with such beautiful women.

Kon was going to change that, however, and what better person to start with than his treasure chest--pun intended--who was headed towards her locker.

"So, Orihime, I'm the last Quincy," he grinned, pushing up the glasses so a sheen went over them just like the actual human brat did. "What do you say we repopulate?"


	2. Byakuya

Just so everyone knows, 'chapters' will be staying this short. They're only meant as little bits of humor. If I was to turn it into a story, it wouldn't be just humor. And I'd have to find a reason why he could skip bodies. I mean, it's sort of impossible for him to do it on his own. This is just meant to be a drabble of humor. However, anyone who can think up scenarios and characters will get a cookie. This idea was from my great buddy litakino22.

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**Byakuya**

Now this was a body he could use. He had really hit the jackpot with this guy. They weren't kidding when they said he was the favorite among woman. Walking proud and tall as one Captain Kuchiki, robe billowing behind him, he noticed several unseated shinigami women giggling as they walked past him. Who cares what the stick in the mud would have really done in the same situation. Kon used the body to give off a big grin, winking dramatically at each of them, sending them into bigger fits of giggles.

"This is the life," he sighed to himself, stretching his arms out as he entered the 6th Division Captain's room, seating himself on the couch. "Tonight I hunt the street, looking for the lucky women who will--whoa, what's this? Naughty magazines--such a cold exterior but that man is just as weak as any mortal," grinning once more, he leaned forward to inspect the boxes filled with glossy pages. Pages that weren't pages at all, instead photos with a very familiar face.

Rukia, everywhere. Laughing, kissing Byakuya on the cheek, picking flowers.

"SICK! Your own sister! Poor nee-san. Screw this!"

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Poor Kon, guess Rukia didn't inform him of her family tree. (For those who might not have figured it out, the girl in the pictures is Hisana) 


	3. Kenpachi

This idea is once again, by litakino22. She comes up with the greatest things. . Any ideas or requests from readers, let me know XD

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**Kenpachi**

"I dunno how the captain can handle it sometimes! I mean, I know they work with each other and everything, but a Vice Captain shouldn't always be hanging all over their Captain all the time. I mean, she's always all over him!"

"Better not let anyone hear you. You know how close he is with her. An' I don't wanna be the one to piss _that_ guy off!"

Back pressed firmly against the wall, Kon overheard this conversation with gusto. He rubbed his plushie paws together, "A little in office romance maybe? Oh this is my lucky day!"

"Kenny!" Yachiru jumped on the unsuspecting Captain's back. "What are we gonna do today, Kenny? Huh? Huh?"

"Gah! WHYYYY?!"

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Kenpachi's a...a...a pedophile?!?!?! ;) 


	4. Ukitake

Alright, next after this one will be Mayuri. I'm almost considering making him a two chapter one, since I had already written a chapter for him, and then someone posted a brilliant idea . Oh, tomorrow I MIGHT be posting 1 or 2 new Bleach stories. Not comedy but yeah, check them out whenever I get them up. Anyway...

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**Ukitake**

This time, it was perfect.

He had one of the next best looking captains, some man named Ukitake, and there was already a girl sitting by his side. Brilliant, this was working out so well this time. No geek, no incestuous pedophile...

It was all well until he went in for the kiss.

_Hack cough cough hack cough hack._

"What the..." he trailed off, holding his hands up to his mouth. Blood spattered his sleeves. The girl stood up and screamed, fleeing from the bar.

"Wait, no, don't go!" he scrambled to chase after her, only before hacking once more.

"You've got to be kidding me."


	5. Mayuri

Alright, I don't own anything. Well, here's Mayuri. I may give him a 2nd part thanks to a great idea given by reviewers (whose opinion I love) If not, however, it will be on to the one and only Hisagi Shuuhei. Also, are people actually still reading this? I lost almost half of my reviewers after the last chapter . Just curious.

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**Mayuri**

What the _hell_ was this? Nothing prior to this could be worse than what he had to deal with now.

Was that paint on his face?

"Stupid robot guy. I don't know how to take this costume off without ripping the body apart. That might be a mercy killing though. How could he ever score a beautiful land of heaven like Orihime looking like this?"

Rather than worry about fruitless attempts, he decided to wait for a better body to come along. Seating himself on a railing, he did little more than grumble to himself. There was something that irritated him, however.

His mouth was drying out, but he couldn't seem to swallow. And his teeth would go in his mouth. Just perfect.

"I'm Mayuri, and I can't close my lip."

As a man with a bandage across his face and 69 tattooed under it passed him and sent him a bewildered glance, he found himself glaring. "What are _you_ looking at?" Pausing, he suddenly felt his eyes widen before chasing after 69-guy as he in turn picked up his pace. "Hey...wait! I NEED YOU!"


	6. Shuuhei

Alright, so far this one is my absolute favorite. I just love Shuuhei so much. Also, I'm thinking about moving onto Hueco Mundo afterwards, any ideas who you specifically want? Up next: Kira.

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**Shuuhei**

Kon wasn't quite sure how he was keeping this body up. Firstly--it should have been so exhausted after how long he had to chase after the shinigami for it, dumping the other one unceremoniously to the ground. Secondly, after all that sake. Well, they did say miracles happened.

"Oh, Shuuheeeeeei," to his satisfaction sang that beautiful lieutenant, Matsumoto, flinging herself on him. He found his eyes growing wide in anticipation, almost ready to cry at the wonderful fate.

She grabbed his face, turning it to look directly at him. "Why do you have that 69 tattooed on your face?" she giggled, flopping on his lap in a fit.

"Why baby, that's what I want to do to you," he wiggled the shinigami's eyebrows.

Even drunk, Matsumoto packed a punch.


	7. Kira

Disclaimer: You all know by now I own nothing. 

Unfortunately, while I had this idea for a while, I don't like how it came out. Don't be afraid to tell me if these are getting less funny because personally, I think so XD

OH! If you go on deviantART and look up Kon's Transfer of Love. I have started to do little comics of each chapter. They're not great but yeah, haha.

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**Kira**

This wasn't sooo bad. I mean, it wasn't quite the killers he had gotten in the past, but it wasn't like that Mayuri guy. And definitely better looking than certain shinigami he had run into.

But he couldn't see out of his left eye and it was starting to piss him off to the point where he wanted to put it in a barrette. Yes, that badly.

The man was a lieutenant, however, and so was definitely well known among the ladies. Perhaps they were hoping for a rank up, or a run in with the incestuous Byakuya. It didn't matter, he wasn't looking for a relationship here.

And he had gotten so close, too. His latest prize was in his grasp, his lips a fraction away from hers when...

Wait--what was this? Never before had Kon felt a sudden pull before. As if--as if this was Kira trying to take back his body.

"No! Captain Ichimaru, I will never betray you!" was the last thing he heard before he was thrown from the body.

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Okay, that would be my little yaoi insert for this fic. Funny, since I don't ship Kira/Ichimaru, but I think watching the Bleach Musical is just getting to me, haha. 


	8. Hitsugaya

Thank you so much to all my reviewers! Alright, now I have had many requests to have something involving Hitsugaya and Matsumoto. But before that I had a HitsuHina request, and since it's my favorite ship...although I am fully prepared to do a Hitsugaya part 2 with Matsumoto. I think I will, actually. . This idea was suggested by litakino22 once again. She is amazing, is she not? Oh, and once again, if you hop over to deviantART, look up the user TrianglesPwn. That would be me, and I've been putting up little comics for this series. There dorky but whatever, haha.

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**Hitsugaya**

Well, he had no chance of getting anything with this one. What was he, 9? Sure, the fact that he was a captain was impressive, but there was no way he could have anything in the romance department.

His was luscious Matsumoto's captain, however, so perhaps if he stuck around he could catch her at a wonderful moment--like while she was changing!

The censored daydreams he was having were cut off by a pair of whispers.

"Lieutenant Hinamori is coming back again? She stops by so often..."

"Haven't you heard of her an Captain Hitsugaya's past? They have quite the history together..."

The voices trailed off, only to be followed by a knock on the door.

"Shiro-Chan?" a girls voice called out as she stepped into the room. While she lacked the woman endowments like his Rukia, she definitely had a cute face.

Score! Past lovers--perhaps he could do some good by rekindling the flame...

"Yes, yes, come in Hinamori!" he grinned eagerly.

"Oh, watermelon!" she said with a smile. Hurrying to his desk where there had already been a few slices cut up. "Remember?"

"How could I forget?" he trailed off, becoming hypnotized as the girl bit into the watermelon, the pink juice dripping on her lip. "Um, Hinamori...I was thinking--how about we just go back to the way things were before..."

"Really, Shiro-chan?" the girl asked, eyes wide.

"Of course."

He closed his eyes, leaning in for the anticipated kiss.

"HEY! What the..."

He opened his eyes to find her spitting a string of watermelon seeds in his face.


	9. Hitsugaya II

Eh, I know these are just short and stupid, but sorry for not updating. On any stories, really. Blame entertainment. Between working at night when I write best and keeping up with Bleach (anime and manga) not to mention writing my other fics, keeping up with Lost and now Big Brother since they are doing a winter edition which is on 3 nights a week...I'm sort of behind, haha. But here is the second Hitsugaya part. I'm irritated because I had a character all planned out and it was a cool idea, but now I don't even remember who it was. Stupid work, not letting me write on their paper bags anymore when I'm supposed to be working XD

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**Hitsugaya II**

"Crazy girl! What was she thinking?" he was busy trying to pick the watermelon seeds out of the boys white hair. "I offer so much sexiness and she just turns it down like that..."

He was cut off as the lattice door slammed opened, followed by a woman's voice.

"Caaaaaptain! You missed out on the best party ever!" a clearly drunk Matsumoto saunted into the office. He was shocked she was able to stand at all.

Not that he cared either way.

And then the most glorious thing in his life ever happened. She hugged him, without him even having to pull his macho moves on her.

He snuggled in close, well prepared to suffocate in her chest. That was a fate he could handle. "Aah, so long and yet it couldn't be any more perfect."

"Eh...Captain? You're--you're not pulling away...CAPTAIN!!!"

He never heard the words, he was in too much of a glorious state of ecstasy. But he felt the fist connect to his cheek.

"MY CAPTAIN HAS TURNED INTO A PERVERT!" the woman screamed before bolting out of the room with a clear mission to spread the word.

Kon, on the other hand, was left to see nothing but stars dance above him as he twitched on the floor.


	10. Shunsui

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing.

Here is Shunsui's chapter. It surprised me to realize I don't have many left planned for Soul Society. So far what I have left is Renji, Omaeda, Hanatarou, Yumichika, Ikkaku, and...well quite frankly that's basically it if I even do all five of them (if you have any big requests for characters I must do, let me know) until I move back to Karakura Town in which case I have an interesting two part for Urahara for sure. Other than that, I'm moving on to Hueco Mundo.

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**Shunsui**

The second robe this man wore was hardly necessary. It was so warm, and not to mention it was only more annoying layers he'd have to remove once he found himself a woman.

Like the woman who stood behind him now, for instance. He had managed to catch her name, Nanao, from a fellow lieutenant she had been talking to just before he ran into her. She was rambling about some paperwork or something along those lines--he wasn't paying attention to anything but the way her hips moved as she walked.

"--and then we have to take a look at the report Captain Kuchiki sent regarding--" she froze the moment she felt him wrap his arms around her.

"Ah, my beautiful Nanao-chan. Why don't we forget all about the work and just focus on what's truly important."

"How many times do I have to tell you to keep your hands off of me?" she warned, although it was the sense of an old topic brewing and she managed to stay someone calm.

She didn't even hesitate to beat him off with her stack of papers.


	11. Yumichika

Disclaiimer: Own NOTHING.

Yeah yeah, so it took me forever and a half. Sue me :p I will be cutting out most. I may only put a Renji in now if at all, or I may be returning to Kurakura Town. Urahara's is interesting and Grimmjow's is already done so yeah. This one isn't as funny. There was a better idea for it but I couldn't seem to get the words out. Credit to litakino22 for some of the idea (we came up with this together)

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**Yumichika**

"What do you think you are doing?"

Kon froze midstep. He had been on his way to take over a bald guy a few feet in front of him. Sure, he wasn't attractive, but he seemed manly enough to get some attention.

"Uh...out for a walk?"

The voice came from a tall figure behind him with a rather fashion statement--there were two feathers attached to the corner of the eye. It reminded the plushie of a peacock.

"Nice try. I heard that something has been taking over the men of Soul Society."

"No, please, have mercy, I..."

"What I would like to know is, why haven't you taken over myself yet? I am the most perfect specimen on this earth! Not that I appreciate the thought of something as ugly as you inside my body..."

"Eh...you're a guy?" Kon asked in shock. "I thought you were a woman."

"What was that?"

The man's eyebrow visibly twitched in irritation before he unsheathed his zanpakutou.

"But you would have been a very beautiful woman!" Kon found himself screaming as he tore down the streets.


	12. Urahara

Alright so it's been forever . I actually have only been reading the Bleach manga, I am VERY behind on the actual anime. BUT I still love it and realized just how behind I really was. I am now out of Soul Society--I know, I didn't do Renji or any others, but I couldn't think of anything for them. So, here is our one stop in Kurakura Town before heading on to Hueco Mundo... 

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**Urahara**

She was one of the most perfect specimen in the world. It was all Kon could do, keeping his eyes off of her--or rather, the shopkeeper's.

The best part was, tonight she was all his.

"Kisuke, you ready?" her silky voice came through the lattice sliding doors into Urahara's back office.

"Oh, you bet," he murmured, eagerly pulling the door open, slamming it shut behind him as he let out a victory cheer.

Exactly seven seconds later, the door was again shoved open, nails digging into the wooden floor as Kon did his best in the body to crawl out while a force behind him was holding onto his now clawed-to-shreds robe.

"Nooo!" he screamed, tears flowing from his eyes as he desperately tried to escape.

"What's the matter, Kisuke-kun? Don't you like this?" Yoruichi asked as she pounced on his back, her own nails gripping onto his shoulders.

"YOU'RE AN ANIMAL!!"

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Haha, this is inspired by, once again, litakino22. However, also branched out from fanfiction where Yoruichi has been known to get...frisky. 3


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